


He's Behind You

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Gen, Humor, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-07-02
Updated: 2001-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-11 00:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11137533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Who's behind whom?





	He's Behind You

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

He's Behind You

## He's Behind You

by Postcard 

Author's Website: 

Disclaimer: The Due South characters in this story are not mine and anything else Due South isn't mine either. I do not mean to infringe on copyrights held by any copyright holders for Due South. The story however is mine (copyright July 2001 by Postcard on all original story content.) Please do not reproduce for anything other than personal reading without the written consent of author. This story is not written for profit and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Author's Notes: This is for Kiki, for being a keen reader of my work and always commenting nicely in detail. Hope you all enjoy reading this and any constructive comments are welcome at postcard@manutd.com 

Story Notes: This story is set in whichever consulate you like, and with whichever Ray you like.

* * *

Carrying a freshly brewed cup of tea, Turnbull walked towards Fraser's closed office door. He paused at the door before knocking. His keen ears picked up noises inside. His eyes went wide. Turnbull nearly dropped the cup of tea he was holding. Craning his neck, Turnbull placed his ear firmly against the door. Intent on listening, Turnbull didn't notice Thatcher coming out of her office. 

Thatcher walked over to Turnbull and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped, spilling some of the tea. "What do you think you're doing, Turnbull?" She crossed her arms and looked hard at him. 

He looked flustered. "I erm...I..." he trailed off. Thatcher moved closer to the door. Turnbull jumped in front of her. "Did you want Constable Fraser sir? If so, I could tell him you want to speak to him, when I give him his morning tea!" 

"That won't be necessary, Turnbull. I can tell him myself. I might as well take the tea in too!" Turnbull guarded the tea to his chest. Thatcher rolled her eyes. One of her hands was on the doorknob and the other hand poised to knock, when Turnbull quickly placed the tea on a nearby table and grabbed her arms. "Let go of me! Get off my arms, Turnbull. What's got into you?" 

Still holding her arms, he rushed, "He's busy. I don't think he wants to be disturbed." Thatcher squirmed out of his grip. 

"What are you both hiding?" 

"N-n-nothing sir." 

Eyeing him suspiciously she placed her ear against the door like she had seen Turnbull doing. Her eyebrows arched and she momentarily held her breath. Picking the tea back up, Turnbull joined Thatcher in listening at Fraser's door. 

From inside Fraser's office, snippets of conversation and noises travelled to the ears of the listeners at the door... 

"Ray! Ray! Now Ray, will you please just put it on!" There was a rustling sound. 

"No way Fraser. Can't we just do it without putting this...this uncomfortable thing on?" 

"Now come on Ray, if we're going to do it, we're going to do it right. You know we have to put this on." 

"NO WAY. I'm not doing it!" 

"Come on Ray. Are you a man or still a child! You agreed we'd do it. Are you going to go back on your word?" 

"Alright, alright." 

"Good man. Now bend over." 

"Nah, no way. I'm not doing that! Why don't you do it? I'm not bending over, you can bend over!" 

"Ray, it will be much easier if you bend over and I stand up!" 

"No it won't. It'll be better if you bend over and I stand up!" 

"Now come on Ray, you know it won't. You know it makes sense my way! I'm much longer and wider than you are; it will be a better performance if I stand up." 

"Alright. But you'd better not bump into anyone else. Promise?" 

"I promise Ray." 

"Come on then, let's get it on!" 

**'THUD.'**

"Hey, be careful with me! Are you trying to knock me unconscious on the filling cabinet!" 

"Sorry Ray. I tripped over this, it's rather long and surprisingly very much like a horse's!" 

"Yeah, right! It's nowhere near like a horse's! Even a kid isn't dumb enough not to tell the difference." 

Thatcher and Turnbull exchanged glances. "I knew they were friends but I didn't know they were _that_ close!" "Neither did I sir." Turnbull sounded disappointed. "Give me that!" She snatched the tea from him. "You're not going in there are you sir?" "Yes. You wait here." 

Thatcher yanked the door open without knocking, marched in and slammed it shut behind her. 

"Sir!" 

"Thatcher!" 

Thatcher's eyes fell on the two naked forms cowering behind the desk. Her mouth gaped open. Anything that had been on her mind to say to Fraser when she exited her own office had evaporated. She couldn't even remember her own name. *"We can explain!"* Fraser and Ray spoke together. 

"I don't want to know. Really Fraser, this is going too far. It's not that I'm erm...against this sort of thing but...that is to say...erm...what you do in your own time is your business...Fraser don't ever do...erm...this on duty again. Is that understood?" 

"Yes, sir. I'm terribly sorry sir." 

"Your tea!" In a slight daze she held the tea out. Fraser leant across the desk to retrieve it and Thatcher closed her eyes to avoid seeing anything she shouldn't. 

"Thank you kindly sir." 

Thatcher turned to go. "Sir, I don't suppose...! We need to see if this fits for a performance tonight and well, we're having some difficulty. We could do with an extra pair of hands. Could you kindly help us put this on?" 

"I beg your pardon?" 

"Would you kindly help us to put this on please sir?" Fraser stepped out from around the desk and held it out for her. "It would only take a minute." 

"I'm not sure Fraser. I'm rather busy and you should be doing some work too. Has anything I've just said sank in at all?" 

"Please sir!" 

Thatcher looked over at Ray's embarrassed face. She smiled a catlike smile at Ray. "With pleasure Fraser. I could stay and comment on your performance if you like?" 

"Oh, that would be splendid sir. Thank you kindly." 

"No need to thank me, I think I'm going to enjoy this!" Thatcher walked over to them. 

Outside the closed office door, Turnbull was still listening. He gasped at Thatcher's response. Turnbull pressed his ear more against the door. 

"Alright, Fraser you stand here and Ray bend over. No, nearer Ray, you need to be touching Fraser for this to work..." 

"See how hard this is sir! I still can't get it on!" 

"Here, let me." 

"Gently sir!" 

"I'll be gentle. Would you please stay still while I roll it up over you!" 

"Ouch!" 

"Oh, don't be soft Fraser. Surely that didn't bother you, you run into burning buildings! It's on now anyway." 

"What about me?" Ray whined. 

"Well, if you'd stay bent over long enough, I'd be able to sort you out." 

"I'm gonna get a bad back!" 

"Oh, stop moaning. I hate it when men do that! You try and do them a favour that nobody else will and they moan until you go deaf!" 

"I don't moan, do I Fraser?" 

"Erm, yes, sometimes you do Ray. Erm sir, where do I put this!" 

"Where do you think you put it! The only place it will go...in there!" 

"I can't see it from where I'm positioned." 

"Fraser, will you just stick it in I'm getting a bad back!" Ray yelled. 

"Oh, here, I'll stick it in for you." 

"Thank you kindly sir." 

"Empf..." 

"Watch it!" 

"Arghhh!" 

**'THUD.'**

Silence... 

Moans and groans... 

"Will you get off me Fraser!" Thatcher shouted. "How we managed to get in these positions I'll never know!" 

"What about me! You're both on top of me," Ray shouted. "You're squashing me." 

"Fraser get up! That's an order." 

"I'm afraid I'm unable to get up sir." 

"Why?" 

"I'm still attached to Ray." 

"Oh! I see! We need some help." 

"No way!" Ray yelled. "I'm not having anyone see us like this." 

"Well, Fraser and I don't particularly relish the idea either, but what other option do we have? Do you want to stay entwined like this for good?" 

"Nah. I couldn't think of anything worse than being like this with you for any longer!" 

"TURNBULL! Come in here!" Thatcher ordered. 

Turnbull didn't know whether he should go in or stay outside! He stood motionless outside the door, trying to decide. 

"TURNBULL! I know you're outside listening. Come in here NOW!" 

Taking a deep breath, Turnbull cautiously opened the door... 

His eyes fell on the tangled heap of Thatcher sandwiched between the partially naked bodies of Fraser and Ray. *"We can explain!"* Thatcher, Fraser and Ray said together. On a closer inspection, Turnbull noticed that the clothing that covered the bottom parts of both Fraser and Ray, was a Pantomime horse outfit. 

Get your minds out of the sewers; I did say this was a G rating, LOL. 

* * *

End


End file.
